Wanted: Absolute Abandon

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Over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling like I should run away to the circus. Pack up, no stopping me; leaving on a jet plane, that is it. Changes to my job at work, people that tell you, that you’re wrong and what you should do, because that’s what they do – even through the end result is the same. Stubbornness, noisy and feeling like I am in a hamster wheel. Doing more, feeling like I’m getting less done, the do to list getting longer. It’s suffocating.

My friend and I having the same feeling, leaning on each other, blowing off steam and trying to think of ideas or businesses we could start so we didn’t have to stay in the rat race or at least be in a rat race of our own choosing. From websites and online stores that let you shop and look like a celeb, yes that was Oscar week and was only helped by our total admiration of Salma Hayek and wanting her wardrobe in the movie Lonely Hearts – this was Monday

 To a vegan bakery – I’m not particularly a baker, okay fine I burn anything but I could design a café, bakery, awesome space to hang out and Instagram in. My friend is the birthday cake queen, but shutters at the thought of anything vegan but we made a Pinterest board – so it’s pretty much set in stone – This was Thursday

Then by Sunday – I was going to be a life coach. Which let’s face it, maybe be the easier of the three – but who wants easy when dreams exist

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Monday of the next week rolled around, like an elephant on my chest. On the train early morning scrolled through my Instagram feed and found one of my favourite people on the planet. She inspires me, she’s wise like an owl and been through hardships that no person should go through, but many do.

She was at Bondi Beach, took a photo of the people and the sun coming up, surfers about – as they always are.

The caption was a question – Where The F**k Has The Fun Gone.

There it was – the answers are sometimes easier than the question because – you sometimes don’t even know what the question is

Truth be told I have laughed more in the past seven months then I have in years. Said things I knew I shouldn’t. Thrown my hands up in the air and said F**k It and said them anyhow and loved it

Life has been so fun

Maybe it’s not fun that is the problem. Maybe I want complete abandon. Live in complete surrender, with complete disregard for anything else. Selfish, maybe but it’s what I want

Go skinny dipping in the ocean. Go climb a mountain. Go do an Eat Pray Love. Go on the hippie trail and get my sins washed away in India.

Yes I have a mortgage. Yes I have bills. Yes I have a job and I take care of all of that – I’m not completely reckless.

But the damn, the rat race can go to hell

Where The F**k Has The Fun Gone.

Bigger dreams are to be had. More work to be done on the good things.

Hard work isn’t so hard when you enjoy it, right?

I just need to find the right door.

So here is to finding the right door – May it be pretty damn close by

xxLayla

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