So the angels of doubt have been in my corner for the past week ( yes that’s a great way to start the year, hooray for me). In December 2011 my sister gave me a challenge to finish a manuscript by the end of 2012. I didn’t think I could do it but I tired because I didn’t want to disappoint her and her unwavering in me. To my surprise I finished. Now it might not be pretty and it might have holes into the size of the grand canyon but it was the first time in my life I actually finished a story and was ninety per cent happy with it. So I decided that I would take some time and get some space before I started to edit
I had grand plans of starting something new and get the ball rolling on a second novel – easy right? – I have a hundred and one ideas rolling around in my head and twenty unfinished/half written stories that I can use as a stepping stone – a step up. For the past month I have been beating my head u against a brick wall trying to write and but just not working. I mean I’m writing but it’s just not that good and certainly nothing I am proud of , certainly not something I’d shove in someone’s face and say – I wrote this-read it-read it
So I began to think – Oh my god – what if I only have one novel in me and I have already written it – that’s it – I’m washed up. I’ll never make a career out of this – I’ll never be good enough – I’m going to be stuck in a nine to five job that I hate my whole life and then die. Seriously I am not a drama queen, I’m fairly easy going but this was what was rolling around my mind. Still is to a degree.
I don’t know if this is a normal thing that just makes me human or do I just give up now