So to tell you the truth my loves. It hasn’t been a good start to the year and it’s mine own damn fault.
Self-doubt: the bane of any writer’s existence and self-doubt, two criticisms in the space of three days and being a Cancerian all mixed in one mind can be a lethal mix. Add to that a pinch of my life hasn’t turned out the way that I planned, in has been pretty dark days in the halls of An Authors Winter Wonderland.
Albert Einstein once said ‘Your imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions’
when I was leaving high school and in my early twenties I had visions of me living in some I don’t know creative hippy commune where I did nothing but write and hang around other creative people that understood the whole writing creative thing, People that where going to think my work was fantastic and spurred me on to be better. It was going to be all peace, love and type writers. As I am writing this to you now I realize how crazy that sounds but that was what I wanted. Once I returned to my nine to five job after the holiday season I looked around and thought when-did-this-become-my-life. So deeply depressed and emotional I emailed a trusted friend and just let it all go and told her everything that was on my mind. The poor thing must have thought I was crazy or drunk, one or the other. Self-doubt was a thick dark cloud that was suffocating me and I couldn’t find a way out.
I’ve been editing my finished WIP and seeing all the mistakes I had made along the way and having problems with the current one that I am writing (It’s like a patchwork quilt. I have the pieces, I can write different pieces but I don’t have the thread to stitch it together) It just all mixed together and the ended result wasn’t pretty.
But today I said goodbye to a great and supportive friend at my nine-to-fiver. She’s only just found out that I write and as I was saying goodbye to her, trying to keep my tears at bay she told me ‘I cannot wait until you’re finished your novel. I can’t wait to read it’ I was standing with one of my test subjects and my fantastic proof reader and they were both nodding their heads. The self-doubt that has been with me for weeks dropped away. I have that support and faith around me. My friends, my sister who is forever telling me that I can do this and that I just have to believe in myself more ( She is my twenty four seven beacon of support and faith) and my family believe in me, that I can actually do this. I just have to start listening to them, leaning on them and actually admitting – I don’t have to do this on my own. I don’t have to be Wonder Woman. Although she does have an awesome costume