I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruellest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas’, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can’t swallow! All the usual symptoms.
The first time I saw The Holiday and heard that opening monolog beautifully read by the wonderful Kate Winslet I thought to myself Wow, That’s Me! Yes Ladies and Gentleman I am a unrequited lover. I’ll admit that, whole heartedly. I was in love with a man who was out of my life for more years then he was in it. I fell in love with him when I was eighteen and then he moved away. From the age of eighteen to twenty four, he owned my heart. I thought I was magically walk back into my life and finally that piece of myself that was missing (that is still missing) would fall into place. He was The One.
That was until a year ago I found out that he had indeed moved back into town and not contacted me. I figured out that I loved him more then he ever loved me. I started to believe that if I wasn’t worthy of his love, maybe I wasn’t worthy of anybody’s love. A theory fueled on by the fact that I am a magnet for unavailable men. So quite simply I took myself out of the game and I am still sitting on the bench when it comes to love.
With all the heartache and brutal lesson in love I have figure out that the only person that can find that missing piece of myself is in fact me. I have to figure out who I am and be happy with who I am before I can happily welcome someone into my life and back into my heart.
My aunty who was married happily for many years now says One Day, My Prince Will Come. I think it’s beautiful that she has that eternal hope and faith in love.
So if you are single or your Prince has found you and that final piece of yourself has been found, never give up on that eternal hope and faith in love.